What did I Wish I knew before my divorce?

The abrupt end of my 18-year relationship left me traumatized. But as I round out the first year, I wish I could hug that poor woman and tell her these truths ‘Regardless of how your marriage ends, it’s a death.’ Illustration: Abigail Goh ‘Regardless of how your marriage ends, it’s a death.’ Illustration: Abigail Goh

When did I know my marriage was over?

Photograph: Rob Dobi In this new week-long series, Guardian writers gather to commiserate on one of life’s most difficult ordeals: getting a divorce I have many moments that come to mind if I try to pinpoint when, exactly, it was obvious that my marriage was over.

What was the hardest part of my divorce?

One of the hardest parts of my post-divorce depression was dealing with the feeling that the pain was going to last forever. The hopelessness! The darkness! It engulfed everything: you feel bad, and you will feel bad forever. Your brain simply cannot fathom that it is not the case.

How did I Choose healing during my divorce?

Choose healing In the first weeks of the separation, I desperately tried to hold the space for two parallel realities: on the one hand, I wanted to hold out hope for the salvage of my marriage. On the other, I recognized that I was traumatized and broken – and that I needed to heal.

What happens if you marry someone who never divorced their previous spouse?

If you marry someone who never divorced their previous spouse, your marriage to that person is invalid due to bigamy laws. However, if the person has died or is presumed dead, then your marriage remains valid. Since the first spouse is deceased, a divorce is unnecessary.

The abrupt end of my 18-year relationship left me traumatized. But as I round out the first year, I wish I could hug that poor woman and tell her these truths ‘Regardless of how your marriage ends, it’s a death.’ Illustration: Abigail Goh ‘Regardless of how your marriage ends, it’s a death.’ Illustration: Abigail Goh

Why did my wife and I get a divorce?

The divorce ended our partnership. It was very sad and painful, and we had to grieve that loss. But ultimately, separating gave us the boundaries we needed, allowing each of us to independently forge a relationship with our children and take responsibility for the direction of our individual lives.

What to know about dating a man who is separated but not yet divorced?

No blame, no attacks on character, and no created rationale for why he had to leave or how bad she was for leaving him. His indecisive state of whether or not he’s doing the right thing. Any promises that do not materialize in the time committed. Hostility, judgment, or invalidation of “women.” You will be next.